My last blog post, about point of view, was so packed with information that I decided to wait to write about internal monologue, a topic I would normally include in a discussion on POV.
What is internal monologue?
A major difference between books and screenplays is the existence of internal monologue.
When you write a screenplay, you show your audience what a character is thinking or feeling through their behaviors and spoken words. Novel writers also do this, but they have the additional option of using internal monologue.
Internal monologue tells us what the POV character is thinking, something screenwriters can’t do but novel writers can. You can write the internal monologue in your manuscript two ways: directly and indirectly.
Direct internal monologue
Direct internal monologue is exactly what a character is thinking. It’s written in first person, present tense, no matter what POV or tense the rest of the story is in. And it’s often italicized.
Mara handed the officer her license. How am I going to get out of this one?
The above sample is from a story written in third person limited, past tense. The second sentence is directly quoting Mara’s thinking, so it’s in first person (because she wouldn’t think, How is Mara going to get out of this one?) and present tense.
Indirect internal monologue
Indirect internal monologue tells us what a character is thinking without quoting the thought word for word, so the thought blends in with the rest of the narration. No POV change, no tense change, no italics.
Mara handed the officer her license. How was she going to get out of this one?
Or,
Mara handed the officer her license, wondering how she’d get out of the situation.
Internal monologue and narrative distance
The way you format the internal monologue in your manuscript will depend on your story’s narrative distance. Narrative distance is how close readers feel to the characters and events in a story, or how much of the POV character’s mind the readers get to experience.
So, the point of view you choose for your story will affect the internal monologue of your character(s).
Stories with a shorter narrative distance
In stories written in first person or deep third person, you’ll format internal monologue to blend in with the narration. Why? Because the narrative distance in first-person and deep third-person stories is short. Readers are already aware that they’re deep in the mind of the POV character. They understand that the narration is filtered through the POV character’s perspective, so it isn’t necessary to cue them in with italics or a tense change.
I strutted into the restaurant, feeling gorgeous. Rhea sat at a small table in the corner, with her arms folded across her chest and a cold stare that gave me goosebumps. What was her problem? I was only a half hour late.
Cam strutted into the restaurant, feeling gorgeous. Rhea sat at a small table in the corner, with her arms folded across her chest and a cold stare that gave Cam goosebumps. What was her problem? Cam was only a half hour late.
Stories with a greater narrative distance
In a limited third-person POV with a greater narrative distance, both direct and indirect internal monologue work. However, keeping direct internal monologue to a minimum is a good idea. A ton of italics never makes readers happy; it can be disrupting to the story to constantly be getting direct thoughts. Save those for thoughts you want to emphasize.
Cam strutted into the restaurant, feeling gorgeous. Then she saw Rhea sitting at a small table in the corner. Rhea’s arms were folded over her chest, and her cold stare gave Cam goosebumps. What is her problem? I’m only a half hour late.
In an omniscient POV, readers understand that the story is being filtered through the all-knowing, external narrator. Use only indirect internal monologue, and make sure it’s clear whose thoughts are being given—the narrator’s or a character’s?
Cam strutted into the restaurant, feeling gorgeous. Then she saw Rhea sitting at a small table in the corner. Rhea’s arms were folded over her chest, and her cold stare gave Cam goosebumps. Cam wondered what she had done wrong, as she was only a half hour late.
In an objective POV—as in a screenplay—no internal monologue is used at all. Readers learn what characters are thinking and feeling through the characters’ dialogue and actions.
Cam strutted into the restaurant with a smile. Rhea sat at a small table in the corner, with her arms folded across her chest and a cold stare. Cam shivered and glanced at her phone. “What?”
What to remember when writing your characters' thoughts
As you write and self-edit any internal monologue in your manuscript, remember the following:
- Give your readers the thoughts of the POV character only
- Write direct internal monologue in language your POV character would use
- Write indirect internal monologue in language your POV character would use, if the story is in first person or deep third person
- Write indirect internal monologue in neutral language, if the story is in a more distant limited third person
- Use direct internal monologue (in italics) in more distant limited third-person only to give extra emphasis to a thought
- Use thought tags (e.g., he thought) rarely
- Do not use thought tags that include to himself, to herself, or to themselves
- Do not use quotation marks for internal monologue
Other resources
If you’d like to learn more about writing internal monologue effectively, I recommend reading the following:
- The Internal Monologue section of “Dialogue that Doesn’t Stink” and “Punctuation in Dialogue” from The Magic of Fiction by Beth Hill
- “Internal Monologue — How to Portray Character Thoughts” from Point of View by Sandra Gerth
- “Internal Monologue” from Self-Editing for Fiction Writers by Renni Browne & Dave King
Line editors and experienced fiction copyeditors can help you with the internal monologue in your manuscript. I pay attention to internal monologue in both my Manuscript Copyedit and my Mini Line Edit services.
