Issues with sentence structure can confuse, bore, and annoy your readers. Learning how to avoid, or spot and fix, such issues will go a long way in improving your writing and impressing your readers.
I’m going to name five problems with sentence structure that I see often when editing fiction manuscripts. As you self-edit your manuscript, look for these problems and try to find ways of rewording your sentences to avoid them.
Comma splices
A comma splice happens when only a comma is used to join two independent clauses. This is technically incorrect. Two independent clauses should be linked by a semicolon, a conjunction with a comma, or a colon. They can also be separated by a period.
Comma splice — technically incorrect:
She loved to dance, the tango was her favorite.
Semicolon — correct:
She loved to dance; the tango was her favorite.
Comma plus conjunction — correct:
She loved to dance, and the tango was her favorite.
Colon — correct:
She loved to dance: the tango was her favorite.
Period — correct:
She loved to dance. The tango was her favorite.
Occasionally, a fiction writer will intentionally ignore this rule when they want to connect two independent clauses that are short and especially related. If a writer wants to use punctuation that creates less of a pause than a comma plus conjunction, a semicolon, or a colon would create, they might write a comma splice.
If I encountered the following sentence in a manuscript, I would let it be. (However, I might point out the comma splice in a comment, in case it wasn’t intentional and the writer wants to revise it.)
She loved to dance, he did not.
Mostly, comma splices should be avoided, especially if you’re still new to creative writing. Your copyeditor should point out any comma splices that aren’t working, as well.
There is, there are, there was, there were
Sentences that begin with there is, there are, there was, or there were are grammatically correct, but the construction should be used sparingly. In these sentences, there is what’s called an expletive.
Beginning sentences with expletives is often unnecessary. The there is/are/was/were usually creates a sentence that’s wordier than it needs to be. For example:
There are many people buying tickets to tonight’s concert.
I would revise this to
Many people are buying tickets to tonight’s concert.
Search for this sentence construction in your manuscript, and try to reword without using the expletive beginning. The result will be a leaner but stronger sentence. Don’t worry about getting rid of them all. (I probably have some in this blog post.)
Danglers
Sometimes it’s difficult to notice a dangler as you write it. It’s usually when someone else reads your writing that danglers are spotted. If you train yourself to keep an eye out for them, though, you might catch many of your own danglers when self-editing.
So, what is a dangler? Here’s an example:
Dancing across the floor, the smile on Jessica’s face shone as bright as the sun.
See the problem? The way the sentence above is written makes it sound as though the smile is dancing across the floor.
It may have been obvious, or it may have taken you several reads to catch the problem. Danglers tend to be like that—they are for me, anyway. You want to catch and revise as many as possible. Some of your readers will notice them right away (and probably have a good laugh).
The above sentence could be rewritten in a few ways. Here are two options:
Jessica’s smile shone as bright as the sun while she danced across the floor.
Dancing across the floor, Jessica wore a bright smile that shone like the sun.
Let’s look at another one:
Hiking during the sunrise, the sky was awash in beautiful pastels.
Because the sky can’t hike, this sentence needs a revision.
Hiking during the sunrise, we observed a sky awash in beautiful pastels.
One more!
Having slept all morning, my alarm must be broken.
The alarm didn’t sleep all morning.
Having slept all morning, I figured my alarm must be broken.
My alarm must be broken because I slept all morning.
Because I slept all morning, my alarm must be broken.
Nonparallel structure
Not having parallel structure disrupts the rhythm of a sentence. Using parallel structure creates word patterns that readers can follow more easily—parallel sentences sound better.
A sentence is parallel when each compared idea or thing follows the same grammatical pattern.
Ensuring a sentence has parallel structure can sometimes be tricky. Let’s start with an easy example:
Cait likes surfing, books, and to write poetry.
In order for this sentence to have a parallel structure, the three words or phrases after Cait likes need to have similar structure.
Surfing
Books
To write poetry
Which one of these is not like the others? Can you see it? Here’s one possible revision:
Cait likes surfing, reading, and writing poetry.
Let’s look at another example:
He closed his eyes, dropped his head, and a groan came from his mouth.
In order for this sentence to have a parallel structure, the three phrases after he need to have similar structure.
Closed his eyes
Dropped his head
A groan came from his mouth
Which one of these is not like the others? Can you see it? Here’s one possible revision:
He closed his eyes, dropped his head, and groaned.
Closed, dropped, and groaned are all verbs in the past tense (similar structure).
Not only . . . but also. In sentences with the not only . . . but also structure, it’s especially important to ensure parallelism.
I made sure to grab everything before I left the house, not only to be prepared but also I wanted to show Jade what I had found.
In order for this sentence to have a parallel structure, everything after not only needs to have similar structure.
to be prepared
I wanted <– This doesn’t match to be prepared.
I made sure to grab everything before I left the house, not only to be prepared but also to show Jade what I had found.
To show now matches to be prepared in its construction. The rhythm of the sentence isn’t disrupted, which makes it sound good to the ear.
A sentence without parallel structure is easy to gloss over when self-editing. Honestly, nonparallel structure is something that, as an editor, I have to watch for carefully. Catching it doesn’t come naturally to me. (I’m terrified someone will find it in this blog post!)
Repetitive sentence structure
Repetitive sentence structure bores your readers and sounds amateurish. Sentences can be repetitive in a few ways:
- Length. Many short sentences in a row create choppy writing, and many long sentences in a row create confusing writing.
- Beginning. If all your sentences begin in the same way, your writing can look lazy.
Entering the room, she looked for Sy among the guests. Her heart pounding, Mori scanned every corner. Sighing, she decided to check the backyard.
Let’s revise:
She entered the room and looked for Sy among the guests. Her heart pounded as she scanned each corner. Sighing, she decided to check the backyard.
- Type. Do all your sentences sound the same? Most writers have a couple of structures they default to when writing out their first draft. Often when you read your manuscript aloud, you’ll hear them. And if you don’t, your editor will.
He tried to unlock the door, but the key wouldn’t turn. He went back to his car and texted Aaron, but got no reply. He couldn’t go home, but where else could he go?
One possible revision:
When he tried to unlock the door, the key wouldn’t turn. He returned to his car to text Aaron. After five minutes, he still had no reply. He couldn’t get into the building. He couldn’t go home. Where else could he go?
There. Much less repetitive.
See the underlined he couldn’ts? I want to point out that I intentionally allowed some repetition here because I liked the effect it had on the paragraph.
Make sure to vary the length of the sentences in your writing. Use a variety of sentence beginnings. Create various types of sentences. Being careful to avoid repetitive sentence structure will prevent your writing from sounding monotonous and keep your readers glued to the page.
Many issues show up when you’re not careful about sentence structure as you write. If you’re unsure of certain sentences in your manuscript, make a note of them and ask your copyeditor when you begin working with one. They’ll definitely help you sort it out.
